Our Story of Ourself

A couple of coaching meetings recently have reminded me how valuable it can be to reflect on our stories about ourself. Often we have several versions: perhaps one (a) that is subtle and sophisticated, one (b) that is more of a shorthand version and maybe one (c) that is either more optimistic or more pessimistic than (a) and (b) - depending whether those incline to optimism
or pessimism, and in contrast to them.

When we are very busy, tired or stressed, it is easy to rely on (b) as an heuristic (see box) to save cognitive load.  However there are risks of over-reliance on (b), not least because it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

For example, part of my (b) story is that I am shy and not good at casual social interaction. That is true to some extent, though an (a) version would be more sophisticated and recognise that when I make an effort, I can get by just fine in unstructured social encounters.  

But over-reliance on (b) tempts me to avoid such situations, which over time erodes my (already limited) skills in that context. Furthermore, that can be reinforced by a number of factors.  

One is Confirmation Bias: that tendency to notice and attribute meaning to things that confirm what we already think. That will incline me to notice as significant every occasion on which I don’t engage well socially, and to treat as abnormal (or even not to notice at all) those occasions on which I engage well.

Moreover, when I am acting out of my (b) story, by being a bit more withdrawn, that may well make others less inclined to engage with me, creating an elegant self-fulfilling prophecy.

To counter those risks, it is useful to raise our awareness, by reflection, and possibly by disclosure to others and inviting their feedback. 

If we wish to weaken our (b) story and strengthen our (a) story (or even an optimistic (c) story), one useful strategy is to collect and mentally curate exceptions: those times when things didn’t go the way the (b) story might have predicted. 

We can then choose to attend to our more positive story more of the time and try to live out of it, thus recruiting confirmation bias and the likelihood of a self-fulfilling prophecy to support who we are trying to become, rather than who we worry that we might be seen as.

The Story of the Unfinished Business...

At a supervision meeting of volunteers I work with, the issue of Unfinished Business was raised. One of the least satisfying parts of our work is that we often never hear the end of our clients' stories. When they are no longer in crisis and no longer need support, our involvement can end. That can be very unsatisfying, and sometimes unsettling: we know we left them on an upwards trajectory, but rarely is everything sorted and perfect.

That issue of unfinished business reminded me of a story a friend told me over dinner a week or so previously. He had suffered from adult-onset epilepsy. The medication he was given had an unfortunate side-effect. He started to suffer from troubling flashbacks/daydreams. These were all of a similar nature. He would remember some past encounter, of a trivial nature, with someone whom he had only met once, when the encounter had ended unsatisfactorily from his point of view. Many of these dated back years, and he had not consciously thought about them since.

One example was a time he had been stopped by traffic police and one of them had been unnecessarily sarcastic, some twenty years ago. But what troubled him was that each flashback ended with an imagined scene in which he beat up the other person. Needless to say, he is not given to violence, nor even to violent fantasies. So he found these flashbacks/daydreams very troubling, and at one stage was having several a day.

He went for a couple of counselling sessions, and his counsellor suggested a very simple idea. He should re-visit each of these encounters in his mind, and re-write the story by imagining an ending with which he would have been satisfied. So in the case of the police, for example, he imagined that he had had a word with the non-sarcastic police officer about the other's behaviour. He further imagined that the non-sarcastic officer had returned to the patrol car and given his colleague some uncompromising feedback about his sarcastic behaviour.

As he was telling me this part of the story his wife chipped in, to say that she had been extremely sceptical of this idea when he returned from that counselling session. It sounded too easy, too simple, to be effective. Yet effective it was!

From the moment he imagined a better ending to each of these stories, which I suppose must have been lurking unresolved deep in his unconscious mind for years, the flashbacks stopped. 

Just when I thought I had completed my book on Story, too...

Reflections on Story

I spent three days last week involved in media training as part of the Cardiff Futures programme. Our media experts, Karen and Kevin from Mosaic were excellent, as ever. They started by pointing out the time and attention constraints that mean that in a media story, you have to present your key messages as early and as concisely as you can. In fact I was reminded of what Andrew Derrington has been drumming into me about Assert-Justify in my writing.

My natural style is to use more of a narrative approach: crafting a tale with a start that intrigues, a middle that develops ideas and escalates the tension, and then a satisfying ending that, I hope, delivers a memorable message with some impact. This is closer to the approach of the novelist than the journalist. The difference is clear if one considers how The Times and John le Carré would tell the same story: one would use the name of the traitor in the headline, the other only reveal it in the final chapter.

Both approaches have their place, of course. But what I was reflecting on is that the use of the word story seems to obscure the differences. And that led me to think about the other way in which I use the word story, particularly in the book I am writing. In that context, I use it to refer to the understandings we construct from our experience to make sense of the world.

I use the word story very deliberately, to emphasise that these understandings are a construct, an interpretation, and thus are malleable. But that is not the only link. Every now and then, the story we have created in this manner is so good that we feel we have to share it, and we do so in one of the two styles mentioned above: either in brief headlines, as it were, or as a well-crafted narrative. It is these stories that fuel the organisational grapevine, and their tenacity is a tribute to the power of story as a way of communicating.

Stories for Change Reminder

I have recorded a brief video (7') as a reminder of key points for those who have attended my Stories for Personal Change Workshop.

This should remind you of some of the core ideas; for more detail, dig out  your handouts. Don't forget to look at the action plan you made at the back.

As ever, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to get back to me.

If you are reading this on a mobile device, click here for the video.

Progress on That Book

As you may recall, I have been working on a book about narrative for some time.  The label 'Book' in the sidebar will take you to previous references to it in this blog, and 'Narrative' will give some insight into the themes.  I am ashamed to see, looking in my diary, that I conducted the 40 or so interviews for it in 2010 -2011.

However, I have now practically finished the first draft, and will shortly be sending out relevant chapters to those interviewed, to check that I have not misunderstood or misrepresented anything.

Then there will be the editing - and I am still working on what kind of diagrams or illustrations may be useful.

However, it feels as though a milestone has been reached, so I am in celebratory mood, and feel re-energised to put more effort in to getting it to the next stage.

So tentatively, I am hoping to have something to show for it in 2014 - but don't hold your breath!

The Power of Story

Reflecting on last week's launch of Unpacking Your Chair (cohort 2) Gerry Docherty commented on the power of simply giving people the space and time to tell their story.

That was indeed powerful: listening to the participants, one at a time, reflecting on their journey so far, their learning from that, and their thoughts on what was important for the future, was a fascinating experience.  Some common themes emerged, but also a rich mix of quite individual, unique experiences and perspectives.

That was enabled both by participants' readiness to share quite openly, and also by the careful (and deliberately minimal) structure and guidance which we provided in setting that session up.

As a result, each person's story about what it means to be a professor is enhanced; they are also beginning to form a story of themselves as a cohort, and we hope they will develop both of those stories fruitfully through the programme.  Certainly last year's cohort emerged with rich and powerful stories of the future to which, individually and collectively, they aspired; and these are grounded in positive and sophisticated stories of who they are and the road they have travelled so far.

This, of course, is the kind of process which I am exploring in my slowly-evolving book. It is (I say somewhat hesitantly) finally taking shape - in that I am well on the way to finishing the first draft.  But don't hold your breath...

Resilience

I have been reflecting a lot on resilience recently (which I am considering as the ability to work under increasing pressures without a stress response).  As preparation for some Stress Management workshops, I have been reviewing some of the most recent research (see for example Margaret Chesney’s lecture, available via iTunes University: “New Scientific Strategies for Managing Stress, Building Resilience and Bringing Balance to Life     [Show ID: 20631]”)


I have also been coaching a number of people experiencing both chronic and acute pressures, and reflecting on what has helped them - and in some cases their remarkable and humbling resilience.


What has proved interesting is the degree to which the most recent research gives ever-more solid underpinnings for the four-fold framework which I have been working with.  (Chesney talks explicitly about three strands, the physical (both physiological and behavioural) the mental, and the relational or social/emotional.  To these I add the existential/spiritual - dealing with issues of meaning and value.  That relates to my interest in Viktor Frankl, and also echoes Covey's framework in 7 Habits and First Things First.  And Chesney refers to it tacitly on several occasions: the importance of purpose, meaning and value.


Of course, this is all linked to my interest in narratives: the interpretations that people place upon their experiences, which can have a huge impact on positive affect - which is what all four strands are designed to support (and again, Chesney has the research to demonstrate the links between positive affect and resilience.)


And as someone who attended a recent workshop pointed out, there is nothing new under the sun.  The classic Christian virtues of Faith, Hope and Charity are a good bedrock for meaning, values, positive relationships, and positive affect generally - and similar underpinnings may be found in many other ancient and traditional wisdoms, with which I am less familiar.


The other area I am keen to explore, and possibly integrate more fully into my work on resilience, is humour. I have been intrigued by Metcalf's Humor Risk and Change programme and am sure he is onto something (though his presentation doesn't always play well with a British audience).  So I am on the look-out for any research on humour and resilience - any clues?

Foxy Knoxy or Inspector Clouseau?

The power of narrative in public opinion has been made very clear by the Knox trial, appeal and acquittal.

On the one hand, the prosecutors invited us to believe in Knox as a sexual predator whose over the top games ended in the death of her flat mate.

On the other hand, the defence put before us a story of police ineptitude, with evidence collected late and without sufficient care, calling into question the DNA samples that provided the link between Knox and the knife.

Which story we find more credible is likely to have a strong influence on how we interpret the evidence: was Knox callous or inconsolable when seen in her lover's arms soon after the body of her flatmate was found?  And so on.

What we tend to find is that once a preferred story is settled on by an individual (you or me) or a group (police, media...) all the evidence in the world can be interpreted to fit that story.

It is no coincidence that Knox's family hired a PR consultant to help them to present a different narrative to the world, particularly the press.  And it's interesting (though sad) to note that a neutral narrative (such as 'she didn't do it, we don't know much else') is much less appealing to the press either than  the Foxy Knoxy narrative, which is sufficiently salacious, or the police ineptitude narrative (particularly foreign police ineptitude!) which eventually won the day.

Narrative Training

I recently completed the 5 day Narrative Training programme offered by Professor Liz Todd and her colleagues Charmian Hobbs and Cate Crallan at Newcastle University.

It was an excellent grounding in Narrative therapy, and really fascinating for me.

We covered some fo the background ideas, particularly deconstruction, de-centred working and externalisation, and then worked through the Statement of Position Maps.

One of the interesting discussions was around the different uses of maps: to orientate, get an overview of a territory, plan possible routes, become aware of hazards, find out where we are if feeling lost, review a journey retrospectively, and so on.  We also discussed the need for a compass in order to use a map well in practice: a rich metaphor for the need for some guiding principles for our work.

The programme was rich in input, discussion and practice; which really helped me to deepen my understanding.  Significantly, I found that I was reading some of the texts (eg Michael Whites and ALice Morgan's) in a much more informed way: making more and different sense from them.

It was also helpful to clarify for me some differences and distinctions: between my work as a trainer and coach, as opposed to the therapists who were the others on the course, and also between my approach to using Narrative (and my underlying assumptions and philosophy) and that advocated by White the Narrative Therapy movement.

So an extremely useful five days - thoroughly recommended for anyone else interested in this approach.

Moving Mountains

Today's Moving Mountains (Influencing and Negotiating Skills) programme ran very well.  Unusually, it was an entirely female group (apart form myself) - there was a question raised about gender differences in terms of influencing and negotiating...

As ever, different people found different elements of the programme useful, but overall they all found it helpful and really entered into both the practical exercises and discussions, and the conceptual frameworks we were exploring.

As well as Harvard's classic negotiating model, and the push/pull influencing skills, I can't resist introducing the Multistory ideas.

This remains one of my favourite programmes, because people demonstrably find it so valuable...

More reflections on Narrative Training

One of the underlying assumptions of narrative work is that we don't know how it is for someone else: what their experience is and how they are making sense of that.  And that is clearly an important and useful assumption.

However, we also did a fascinating exercise on Externalisation in which somebody took on the role of a Problem identified by another participant as being something he or she would like to address.  Then one or two others in the group interviewed the Problem, as Investigative Reporters, seeking to understand the Problem's tactics, intentions, allies and so on - and then the Problem's weak points, the individual's past successes in overcoming the Problem, etc etc.

This may sound a little artificial to anyone who has not worked in this way, but in every case, the Problem's originator reported that the Problem had accurately described its role in his or her life and the strategies he or she used - or could use - against it.

As well as being a fascinating demonstration of the power of Externalisation, it also demonstrated that the person taking on the role of the problem - who in some cases had never met the Problem owner previously - was able to understand the role of the problem in the individual's life, simply by drawing on his or her own intuition, experience etc.

So in fact we need to hold those two things in some kind of creative tension: on the one hand we can have very good insights into how things are for others, and these insights may be useful if explored very tentatively; but on the other hand we must always maintain the starting assumption that we do not know how it is for the other until we have asked, and remain very aware of the risk of our insights (which might in any particular case be wildly inaccurate) influencing our thinking or listening.

Narrative Training

The first two days of the Narrative Training Programme I'm attending at Newcastle University have been very good.  The first day was largely introductory, and we explored what narrative work means, and had fun de-constructing a few frequently-used terms that are perhaps not always helpful.


On day two we explored externalisation in some depth, which really added to my understanding, and also to my experiencing it in different ways, as well as practicing it with others and observing it in different situations.


Interestingly, I've found that my reading of work by Alice Morgan and Michael White has changed since the programme.  Reading the same words conveys different meaning to me...  I guess that relates to a deeper and more experience-based understanding of externalisation, and the broader thinking behind it.


As I said to Liz Todd, one of the training team, it’s not a set of tools, it's about an orientation, a set of attitudes, characterised by an almost naïve curiosity, but also informed by a set of skills and practices (such as avoiding accidental internalising questions – or interpreting according to a pre-existing ‘expert’ framework such as Gestalt...)


The training team is a great combination, and the other people on the course are very interested and interesting - so I'm really looking forward to the remaining days of the programme in a few weeks' time - and have lots to practice in the interim.

Ethics and narrative

I mentioned that I've been reading a fascinating book: Ethicability by Roger Steare.

He talks about three kinds of ethical approach:

1) Rule-based (eg deontology)
2) Social agreement based (eg utitilatarianism)
3) Values or principles based.

He points out that all three have their use, and also suggests that the first tends to make us behave as children, the second as adolescents and the third as adults.

This made me wonder if there might be a parallel with modernism and post-modernism and... whatever comes next. 

Modernism could be seen as rule-based; and when people object to my claims for the possibility of absolute truth, I think they may be objecting to this: rules laid down to be applied to all people in all places and at all times.

Post-modernism, social constructionism (the position of many in the narrative world) etc might be regarded as a reaction against that, and an attempt to replace rules with agreed interpretations that are necessarily variable depending on who agrees them.  This interpretation resonates with me as some of the academics in particular with whom I have debated this seem to be reacting against precisely that rule-bound notion of truth that 1) would suggest - and one or two also seem to me to have something of the adolescent's idealism, pride in rebellion, and impatience with other perspectives...

I (naturally!) think I am in the more mature position of 3)  I make truth claims for values, such as the intrinsic goodness of love rather than hate, of hope rather than despair and of faith rather than nihilism.


THese may need to be interpreted and mediated through social discourse (at level 2) and may on occasion need to be translated to rules (as at level 1 - for example, I would hate to meet a driver who thought the rule that we drive on the left side of the road [in the uk]  was not in any sense true and therefore not binding on him or her...)
So I think some of the conversations I have been in have been based on a series of false assumptions - both ways: I think people were assuming I was wanting to make truth-claims of type 1) and have reacted against them; and I was assuming they were reacting against what I really think and believe and reacted against that!

Narrative Training

Excited at the prospect of attending a five day training programme on Narrative with Liz Todd et al at Newcastle University.

Sure it will be excellent and it will be lovely to be on the receiving end for a change, and not be responsible for the success of the event (or at least, only a little bit: I'll try to be a 'good' participant!)

Defeated by the snow...

The closure of the A 66 meant I couldn't get across to Durham for a morning meeting, and so I also cancelled another couple in Newcastle in the afternoon, as it seemed too much to try to battle through the weather (and risk not getting home again).  But I hate that: I guess it's pride...

However, it did mean I had an unexpected day at home, and I was able to use it to develop some ideas for another bid I'm going for - including workshops on Manager as Coach, Leadership, Change Management, Presentation Skills, Negotiating and Influencing: interesting seeing how my interest in narrative approaches feeds in to all of these.

I also refreshed a lot of my materials for an outplacement support workshop on Friday - not least because I suspect there may be more of these to come in the current (economic) climate.  I think I'll travel on Thursday evening to make sure I'm there for the workshop...

Moving Mountains

Good Moving Mountains (influencing and negotiating skills) Workshop yesterday at Durham University.

Very perceptive group: really liked the stuff on narratives and how important they can be in this context!

Several went away resolved to re-author their stories about some of their more difficult working relationships and difficult colleagues.