Humility

One of the issues that has come up for me, reflecting on the Daring Way workshop I attended a while ago, is the question of humility. Brené Brown's work seems to me to ask two things of us; the first is to believe that we are wonderful, and the second is to attend to how we are being wonderful (and how we could be more wonderful) all the time. 

Yet I still set great store by humility; not of the unctuous Uriah Heep type; but the genuine humility that recognises that I am not perfect, that I am not more important than anyone else, that I should not be the sole focus of my interest and attention.

I love this C S Lewis quotation on the subject of a truly humble man: He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all. 

I have mentioned before my interest in the work of C W Metcalfe (Humour, Risk and Change) and in particular the moment when he draws a quick map of the Universe on a flipchart, explaining solemnly that it is expanding in all directions.  He then marks a point in the middle and explains it is the Center of the Universe (sic: he is American, after all). He then marks another point, and says: 'That's you - and when you confuse the two, you have lost the plot!'

It gets a laugh: the joke is good, and his delivery and timing are excellent - and it touches a nerve.  Because we all know that we frequently react as though we are in fact the centre of the Universe (because we are the centre of our own...) So we say: 'How could they do this to me?' when in fact we weren't in their thoughts at all...

So that is my problem with this kind of work: it not only encourages us to look searchingly at ourself, which, I think is a good thing from time to time (we all know how difficult it is when we encounter someone with absolutely no self-awareness or insight); but it also encourages to judge ourselves in the most positive light possible (and when I see others doing that, it seems problematic to me); and also to keep looking searchingly at ourself, all the time. And that I think is also problematic (and again, we can all think of people who are so consumed with working on themselves...)

So there is a balance to be struck, I would argue, between a regular self-examination, which is essential (the unexamined life is not worth living, as Socrates is said to have observed) and maintaining attention on other people and the world outside us, as though they too are important and worthy of our consideration and attention...

Work in progress...

Laughter

I went to an excellent workshop on Laughter this weekend, run by Robin Graham of Feelgood Communities.

This is something I have long been interested in: I first took laughter seriously as a learning and development intervention, after coming across C W Metcalf and his work on Humour, Risk and Change (which I have mentioned before).

Here's a flavour of Metcalf:

Both Robin Graham and C W Metcalf make a strong - and very funny - case for the value of humour. 

The personal benefits of regular laughter are increasingly recognised by the research; and Robin gave us a summary of some of the latest research emerging. The beneficial release of endorphins, serotonin and dopamine are apparently well-documented, as is the reduction in the stress-related hormones, cortisol and adrenalin. Apparently our immune system is also boosted by regular laughter, and the researchers are now working to understand the ways in which laughter helps us bond with others.

It is fascinating to note the role of laughter in a baby's life: long before it is registering humour, the incongruous, unexpected or absurd - which are the classic triggers of laughter in adults.

Laughter, as Robin pointed out in his four word lecture, is a release.

That was it: as lectures go it was remarkably concise and clear. We then laughed a lot, and discussed laughter a lot more, including its capacity to bring people right into the present moment, and to open themselves up to each other. There is something vulnerable about genuine laughter - which is one of the reasons we learn to suppress it. Young children, of course, need no excuse to laugh, and they laugh several times a day. As we get older, we may lose both the spontaneity and the frequency.

So I am keen to involve more laughter in my work, both for its innate benefits for the individuals, but also for other reasons. Laughter helps form relationships between people (except for bullying laughter, which is quite different). Also, because of the links between laughter and the incongruous, unexpected or absurd, I think it helps people to view situations differently, opening up possibilities for creative thinking that may help solve problems in new ways.

But quite how I am going to do that, I am not yet sure. There is something about forced laughter that seems very counter-productive, and I have seen too many trainers fall into that trap. So I would be interested in others' views and experiences.