Making a scene...

As the Eurostar pulled into St Pancras (that sounds like the start of a novel, I realise as I type, but be assured it isn't)...  As the Eurostar pulled into St Pancras I noticed on the empty seat over the corridor there were two mobile phones and a passport. 

A number of passengers were already on their feet, moving towards the door.  So what to do?  I hesitated - anxious about touching someone else's personal possessions - and then picked up the passport, and opened it to the page with a name on it.  I hesitated again, and then called out in a loud voice (it certainly seemed loud in the hallowed quiet of the Eurostar Plus coach): "Mr Roberts?  Mr Roberts?" A number of people looked round, but nobody identified himself as Mr Roberts. 

Feeling a need to justify this outrageous disturbance of the peace, I said someone had left their passport and two phones on their seat, and people visibly relaxed as they realised that my raised voice fell within the bounds of acceptable behaviour, in the circumstances.  And as it happened, someone sitting nearby had noticed the person leave and move into the vestibule in the other direction to most, so I opened the connecting door and shouted again.

And Mr Roberts was there - and was, of course somewhat embarrassed, thanking me and saying 'I must have been half asleep.' I replied that I knew just how that felt, and passed him his things. And that was that.

But I was interested in the whole episode, and in particular in the fact that I'd hesitated.

It was clearly important to find the chap - we all know what a nightmare it would be to lose a passport, or a phone, but to lose both - and indeed a second phone - would be an extreme nuisance.

But even so I'd hesitated even to look at them, and again before calling out.  I'm not particularly shy; whilst I am more introverted than many, I am quite capable of speaking in front of large groups and have done so professionally on many occasions. So it wasn't precisely that. 

I think it was more the fear of making a scene, something I suppose I had learned early and powerfully to be taboo. And I have read that the fear of social embarrassment is pretty universal, and very strong.  Which may account for my felt need to justify my shouting by explaining about the passport and phone to the world at large, even though it was clearly of no concern to them.

And it also confirmed something I have long known about myself; that whilst I am very socially confident when I have a clear role and know what I and others expect of me in that role, in more ambiguous situations, my confidence is very much lower.

All of which made me think how frequently, and perhaps with insufficient thought, I have invited people into such places of ambiguity, (in workshops, leadership programmes and so on) and expected them to do rather more challenging things than simply find Mr Roberts...