Monday, 27 January 2025

About my Hostility...

At the end of a call earlier today, someone told me 'Of course, I really like people.'  I heard myself confessing (in confidence) that I don't.

Which is not wholly true. But there is some truth in it. 

I have blogged a few times about the Hogan psychometrics,  (here, for example) and my own profile (here, for another example...). But something that I haven't mentioned is that one of the subscales for Interpersonal Sensitivity is no hostility.  And I scored in the mid-range for that - about as much hostility as the next person...  And another of the subscales for that category is 'likes people' and I scored in the lowest quartile for that:  so I like people less than 75% of the (sampled) population.


Fortunately my overall score for Interpersonal Sensitivity ('Concerns warmth, charm, and the ability to maintain relationships') was somewhat rescued by my extraordinarily good performance in the other subscales, but even so it is my second lowest score, and only just out of that bottom quartile. Not perhaps the ideal profile for a coach, but I seem to manage to mask it, at least professionally.  If I had any friends, they might tell a different story, of course...


More seriously, it is fair to say that a low score on Interpersonal Sensitivity has some benefits as well as the obvious risks. These include being able to give negative feedback, being able to say clearly what they think, making unpopular decisions when necessary, not easily swayed by others' emotions, and being unconcerned with people-pleasing. 

Personally, however, it does raise interesting questions. Is it true that I carry a level of hostility, and that I don't like people? So, digging a little deeper, what do these subscales mean? No hostility is about tolerance; a low score may indicate someone who is critical of others, and a high score, someone who is generally accepting, and a sample item in the questionnaire about this is: 'I would rather not criticise people, even when they need it.' I can certainly recognise myself in saying no to that item.  

Likewise, Likes people is about being companionable; a low score may indicate someone who is socially withdrawn, and a high score, someone who enjoys others' company, so a sample item is 'I enjoy just being with other people,' and, not least given my tendency to introversion, I can also see myself saying no to that one - or at least, 'it depends.'

I'm also reflecting on David Rock's Your Brain at Work, in which he speculates that one of the reasons that Relatedness features in his SCARF model is that, for evolutionary reasons, we are primed to be suspicious of the stranger, whilst also needing the security of the group. That, combined with my own experience of being extensively bullied at school, might explain why my initial response to new people (particularly in informal and social settings) is a certain wariness. That is very much reduced in professional contexts where behaviours are more likely to be predictable and roles and expectations clearer. 

And, of course, I am reminded of Sir Walter Raleigh's famous verse:

I wish I loved the Human Race;
I wish I loved its silly face;
I wish I liked the way it walks;
I wish I liked the way it talks;
And when I’m introduced to one,
I wish I thought “What Jolly Fun!"

But blogging, of course, is really about sales, (so I understand) so I will conclude that if you are looking for a coach - or a facilitator, come to that - who will greet you with about average hostility, and who doesn't really like people very much, do get in touch.  I will be delighted to hear from you (but may not show it...)

Friday, 17 January 2025

The Anxious Generation

 The Anxious Generation

Over the New Year break, I read Jonathan Haidt's book, The Anxious Generation.

It's a compelling read, well written with a mix of statistical date and interpretation, and anecdotal examples to illustrate his thesis. It adds up to a very powerful warning to parents and others concerned with the raising of children and adolescents. 

His thesis is that the huge growth in mental instability that we are witnessing in the young at present is largely fuelled by two factors, working together to create an Anxious Generation.

One of these is a massive reduction in the amount of unsupervised play that children experience. Since the 80s and with growing rapidity, parents have been less and less willing to allow their children to entertain themselves outside the home, with friends. 

The Witches Hat

That resonates with me. Growing up in London, I was allowed pretty free rein after school till dark, and all day on Saturday, to disappear and play in the park (or less safe places, of course, unknown to my parents, such as the local empty reservoir). We got into trouble, we rowed with other local children, we fell of home-made go karts and play park equipment that would be deemed unsafe now (anyone remember the Witch's Hat?) Haidt's point is that such play, including risk-taking and engaging with strangers who may be friendly or hostile, is a very important part of growing up. We learn all sorts of coping skills and strategies, cope with knocks and bumps, and generally increase our confidence and our competence.  But parents (and other adults in influential and authoritative roles) now perceive that as too dangerous (or in many cases, too likely to result in legal action) and children are over-protected.

The second factor is the all-pervasive iPhone (other brands are available), and in particular the social media apps, which are particularly toxic for girls - who seem to be experiencing the worst of the mental health crisis. Boys, of course, are not much better off, though for them it is gaming and pornography that are the big problems. At the very least, these (by design) consume ever more of a child's or adolescent's time and attention, reducing time and attention from everything else they should be attending to in order to grow and mature.  But there are worse risks, of course, which he explores in some detail.

He may be right or wrong in his overall thesis: I don't know. But one doesn't have to buy the whole thesis to recognise the reality of the issues he is raising. So I strongly recommend that you read this, if you have any responsibility for children or adolescents; and not least as he concludes with some very practical suggestions of ways forward.

Oh, and don't forget to look in the mirror. It is not only young people who can find that they are giving their iPhone more attention than it merits: and the consequent withdrawal of genuine adult engagement from the young is another significant issue.